


New Years Mourning

by Serrj215



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, bbrae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serrj215/pseuds/Serrj215
Summary: Everyone is rocking the tower for the new year. Except for one that does not feel like celebrating.
Relationships: Garfield Logan/Raven
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	New Years Mourning

It was New Year’s Eve and the party in Titans tower was in full swing. Music was blasting, Cyborg made a ton of food, and except for the couples that claimed the odd private corner or nook everyone was dancing. 

Everyone was there, the Titans east, the honorary Titans, even some of the younger members of the JLA, there was just one notable exception. Beast Boy had spent most of the day shut in his room. Once he was sure that the halls were deserted that everyone was gathered in the common rooms he wondered out. He could hear the music thumping in the walls, laughter and his friends having a wonderful night. He crept slowly through the vacant corridors, his footsteps falling heavy on the floor. 

Forgive the obvious wordplay but Beast Boy was a party animal. He loved holidays, birthdays any excuse to get friends together. Music, friends, food what’s not to love. A few days before he spent most of Christmas as a Reindeer offering people rides and drinking eggnog right out of the punch bowl. 

New Years was different. For the last few years he was drawn down to the end of the hallway where her room was. He stood there for a moment reading the name plate on the door a few times. 

Raven. 

He remembered a time when that door inspired fear, and curiosity. Later it was excitement, comfort, lust. Now… 

Things had changed. The Titans expanded. It became a place for young heroes to train and find their footing. It was a place for people who had powers to learn to control them, even if they just wanted to lead a normal life without accidentally hurting someone else. If you were different you were welcome, you were family. Cyborg converted rooms, built other structures on the island to house equipment and labs. This room didn’t change, Cy would sooner tear down all the upper levels to expand the tower before touching this room. One of the newbies once suggested moving into the room, Cyborg put on an expression usually reserved for Brother Blood. “I don’t think so” was all he said to the young man it was all he had to say. Poor kid didn’t speak for a week. 

Beast Boy walked in slowly reverently, like one does in a church, or a graveyard. The door closed behind him leaving him near total darkness save for moonlight from the window. He lit a few of the candles scattered around the room. Not because he needed the light but to give the room the familiar flicker it had when it was occupied. 

This never got any easier. The room was exactly how Raven left it. Her mediation mirror on the dresser, the cabinet where her magical implements were stored, even the book she was reading sat there on the night table waiting for Raven to return to finish it. The page held by a long green feather for a book mark. Beast boy had shifted into a falcon and shed the feather for her as an impromptu gift. He never expected her to keep it. 

Every object seemed to have a memory attached, as he looked around out of the corner of his eye there she was. Raven mediating by the window, or looking at her book shelf, asleep in her bed. But she wasn’t there, just his memories and the dark playing cruel tricks. 

There was no dust. He had to remember to thank Starfire. She had taken in upon herself to keep the room clean. There were even fresh sheets on the bed. It was almost like Raven was expected to walk through the door. It wasn’t unheard of. Superman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman all of them had a funeral and came back. But this was different. 

Beast Boy sat down on the bed. It wasn’t his side, they were not together long enough to have a side of the bed, but it should have been. They should have had thousands of nights where they laid next to each other. Thousands of mornings where he could wake up to see her. He took his shoes and carefully put them aside. This was still Raven’s room and she would not stand for his mess or worse yet his shoes on her bed. 

His laid down and closed his eyes. He breathed deeply though his nose slowly. It was faint, and it grew fainter each year, but the room still had her scent. 

He would like to think he had moved on, healed, and most of the times he believed that. He did take solace in the idea that she wanted him to move on, that she wanted him to have a life, and be happy as cliché as it was. Yet this night, he felt it. The whole that Raven left behind. Even sharper then her birthday or the day she passed. Life goes on. But it shouldn’t. Life shouldn’t go on. The machine should have come to a grinding halt! This woman was not just some accessory she was essential, needed, and too important to go without. The universe should have stopped right then and there and not start again without making this right. But it didn’t. It didn’t years ago when it happened, didn’t this morning and it probably wouldn’t do it before the year was over. 

The universe sucks. 

Beast Boy let the memories over take him. He curled up into a ball lying on his side, facing into the bed and then the tears came. 

It had been years, and it still hurt. He didn’t want to seem callous, but he had lost people before. Despite reputation he was not an idiot, Beast Boy understood that death is part of life and that what he did, what they did was dangerous. Still it burned him, just like the day he found out. It didn’t seem real. He had to remind himself when he looked at his phone ready to call her. He didn’t have the heart to take her number out of the address book. Then there were times where it was shoved right in front of him. Even after all this time a few people still asked about her. “How is she doing?" He knew that they didn’t mean to hurt him. He just got tired of explaining what happened. 

He laid there openly bawling. He didn’t have to be the Senior Titan, or the Role model, he didn’t have to be the hero super or otherwise. He was just Garfield and it was okay for a man to miss the woman he loved. 

Beast Boy woke up January first, still alone and in her bed. His eyes still stung from the night before and it took them a moment to focus. The sun was still red coming over the horizon. He got up and made a point to make sure the candles were out, and the bed was as he found it. He put on his shoes and took another look around the room. It was the start of a new day a new year. He did feel better, still not whole but more like himself. He understood that his friends kept this place for him as much as they kept it for Raven. A place where he could still feel close to her when he needed too, a place where he could grieve in private. 

"Happy New Year Raven” he said to the empty room. "I love you” He quietly left the room for the vacant hallway and the New Year. 

Grief does not have an expiration date, and each must find their own way to mourn. 

* * *

I know I don’t do a lot of Angst. But this one has been in me for a while, and to be honest if feels good to get anything onto the screen. It’s been hard to create lately. So thank you and Happy New Year to you all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumbr https://serrj215.tumblr.com/post/181587745464/new-years-mourning Dec 31st, 2018  
> Constructive criticism and polite notification of spelling and grammar mistakes are appreciated. Also Ao3 is new to me so If I am missing tags or something let me know.


End file.
